Seraph
by Asher
Summary: Maybe...she wanted to be fooled. Why did he never tell her?. . .I KNOW NOT WHAT TO BELIEVE. . .When lovers are dying and God doesn't exist, who is to say that the Devil is wrong? 6x13, 9x13, 4x9, 6x9, 9xS, others. UPDATED 06.16.05!
1. Ardent Longing For God

**S E R A P H  
**

_- - - _

**Ardent Longing For God  
**

_- - - _

_ O god, you are my god  
For you I long  
For you my body yearns  
For you my soul thirsts  
Like a land parched, lifeless  
And without water  
So I look to you in the sanctuary  
To see your power and glory  
For your love is better than life  
My lips offer you worship_

_I will bless you as long as I live  
I will lift up my hands  
Calling on your name  
My soul shall savor  
The rich banquet of praise  
With joyous lips my mouth shall honor you  
When I think of you upon my bed  
Through the night watches I will recall  
That you indeed are my help  
And in the shadow of your wings  
I shout for joy  
My soul clings fast to you  
Your right hand upholds me_

_But those who seek my life  
Will come to ruin  
They shall go down to the depths of the earth  
They shall be handed over to the sword  
But the king shall rejoice in god  
All who swear by the lord  
Shall exult  
For the mouths of liars  
Shall be shut_

_---Psalm Sixty-three_

_- - - _

It wasn't a cold day. It wasn't particularly warm either. It was average. An average day in an average Earth city.

There was no splendor. There was no voice made of the sweetest strings in the air, nor was there beauty.

It was just a normal city on Earth.

He hated it. Hated the smell and detested the stench of sin upon the bodies of the masses.

It was ironic that he would hate what he was responsible for. Because despite the twisted mythologies these humans called their religions, he was original sin. It was never the fictional woman they called EVE. How could a mortal claim to be the root of all evil?

He laughed. It was so improbable.

There was no such thing. It did not exist. Such an absoluteness could not survive in a world that wasn't mean to be. When everything that had ever existed was planned out and dreamt up by a single entity, there could not be perfection. Not even God was omnipotent. He had his flaws. There were faults because the source of everything was flawed. Because He believed in the Absoluteness. He did not believe in the failures of his creations. And so creation was imperfect.

And he, perhaps the only one who could have stood against the stride towards the Absoluteness that engulfed the world---even he could not put an end to the lie.

God was dead and he---

he was dying.

To love anyone more than God is to sin.

_ Thou Shalt Not Have Any Other Gods Except Me._

He felt disgusted. It was a sin. Vanity, Greed, Gluttony, Sloth, Envy, Lust, Wrath---this is what drove God. This is what drove him to ever utter the words.

_ Thou Shalt Not Have Any Other Gods Except Me._

He closed his eyes. They were heavy. The weight of a lash, of warm skin and living flesh.

Humans were weak.

And he had failed them.

Despite the anger and the jealousy he had loved them. Loved them because He had loved them.

_ To love is to do the duty of the Lord. To hate is to serve the Devil._

What stupidity. Religion was the worst mistake humanity could make. To place rules upon their beliefs, upon their love. It created a false balance.

Why need there be a good and evil?

He was tired and he was dying.

Lucifer Morning Star. Cherished first child of God. His confidant and his lover. A lover in speech and thought if not action. And he had been cast down because he would not bow down to his equal.

_ Vanity, Greed, Gluttony, Sloth, Envy, Lust...Wrath..._

All seven of the Sins had rejoiced the day he had been expelled from His side.

And they had realized that he was in the right.

So they joined him in Hell. In the ill-appointed realm of sinners.

And Michael---

who he'd loved

who he'd dared to touch

who he had become an equal with

his brother

his lover

Michael had chosen to stay.

And he was dying.

_- - -_

_- - - _

_- - - _

This story has always been primarily for Killraven. It was your original idea, your vision for the characters that brought me to a point where I could actually begin to write this. And while at times like now I feel as if I must have failed you greatly, you have always been encouraging and I must thank you for that. Crary, my eternal friend and conceptual editor, I thank you for Immorality, for Lust and everything else._  
_


	2. Prayer For Divine Help

**S E R A P H**

_- - - _

**Prayer For Divine Help**

_- - - _

_Graciously rescue me god  
Come quickly and help me lord  
Confound and put to shame  
Those who seek my life  
Turn back in disgrace  
Those who desire my ruin  
Let those who say 'aha'  
Turn back in their shame  
But may all who seek you  
Rejoice and be glad in you  
May those who long for your help  
Always say  
'God be glorified'  
Here I am  
Afflicted and poor  
God come quickly  
You are my help and deliverer  
Lord do not delay_

_---Psalm Seventy_

_- - - _

It was another bruise. A spattering of plum-colored markings on her right side. The markings were darker than before: black and the welts upraised and growing in number.

Once you were marked by God there was no denying the anguish of His removal. And now that He has died---the anguish had increased forty-fold. Now it was eternal.

The coughing fits had died down. She no longer needed Raphael's constant attention but the companionship was what she needed, not just the touch of his Healer's hands.

"You must not continue to search for him amid the grounds of Demons and Infidels. You are no longer immortal. If you perish we will have failed in searching for Lucifer."

She winced as Raphael placed his warm hands on her breast, massaging the area above her heart.

Raphael rarely reverted back to his original state, knowing that she preferred him as Sally Po, the woman who Lucrezia Noin was in love with. He knew that his presence as Raphael unerved her---but the wound had been severe and he needed Rapahael's full skills, not just Sally Po's expertise as a doctor. A direct pulse of power over her heart. A lower-ranking Demon had managed to attack her before she could react with a power shield.

_-_

_She surveyed the area, attempting to place a guilty mind upon the various demons that had assembled themselves in the area._

_She made out a leader of a small group of Venial Sins and turned her attention towards Its deceptively sweet face. "Tell me Venial---have you seen Him?"_

_The other scoffed, sending a faint ripple of unheaded desire flowing across the enclosed area of the room. "You would ask this question of me?" Its voice had the rough texture of decadence, of rough sex and long nights._

_She furrowed her brow in irritance. It was Immorality. The leader-demon was a younger brother of Lust. "I ask what must be asked. I expect you to comprehend the nature of the question. Where is He?"_

_- _

She managed a small smile. "Perhaps I continue to injure myself so as to make an excuse for you to touch me."

Raphael's blue-green eyes met hers in seriousness. "You do not need to hurt yourself to make me touch you." He moved his hand from her breast. The wound was gone. His eyes softened and he stroked her hair. "All that I need is to see you. The sound of your voice is enough to make me want to do so."

She sat up on the bed. "Sally---"

Raphael's form shifted and the familiar face of Sally Po replaced the startlingly beauty of the Archangel's.

"Yes, Noin?"

"I can't find him. There isn't much time and I have yet to find him."

"I have mentioned this to you before. You were the strongest among us, Michael. But you need him. Without Gabriel you will not be able to find Lucifer."

_-_

_Immorality laughed, Its thick sheet of blonde hair whisped along the masculine line of Its face. "You are brave for a mortal. But my elder brother would not think twice to eradicate those who would reveal the whereabouts of our Master."_

_"Lucifer is no longer anyone's master!" she barked. "You fool! Would you sentence him to an unresolved death?"_

_Too late she noticed that Its almost casual mannerisms of brushing aside Its hair were in actuality intricate commands to Its minions._

_She noticed Its brief, almost escapeable attack signal seconds before she felt the focused blow aimed for her heart. As unconsciousness took her, she was left with the imprint of Its taunting face engraved into her memory. Her last thought was that Immorality had chosen to be male. Had chosen the gender, because It knew that masculine beauty would distract Michael in a much more profound manner than it would Noin. She'd been subterfuged._

_- _

"Gabriel will not wish to help. He was God's Sword: the Wrath and the Vengeance. He will not help us in this. Our brother was close to Lucifer. He will not wish for us to displease him."

Sally kneeled at Noin's feet.

"It is because of this closesess that he will help us. You and Gabriel are lovers---"

"That was a millennia ago---"

"---But he yet holds you in the highest of esteem. He will help us because as the Third Eldest he will not allow the two of you to perish before he sees you."

Noin grasped Sally's hand in hers.

"I hope that this is the case, because although I love you..." she took Sally's face in her hands. "...Lucifer was first. My loyalty and my heart reside within you, but I must save what is left of him. He will not die without seeing me---without seeing his birthplace."

"I understand. You need not worry for my sentiments. I know I hold your favor as well as your heart. But Gabriel must be contacted. You must reveal yourself to him."


	3. Reliance On The Lord

**S E R A P H  
**

_- - - _

**Reliance On The Lord  
**

_- - - _

_ To you I raise my eyes  
To you enthroned in heaven  
Yes, like the eyes of a servant  
On the hand of his master  
Like the eyes of a maid  
On the hand of her mistress  
So our eyes are on the Lord, Our God  
Till we are shown favor  
Show us favor lord  
Show us favor  
For we have our fill of contempt  
We have our fill of insult  
From the insolent  
Of disdain  
From the arrogant_

_---Psalm One-hundred-twenty-three_

_- - - _

I hated living. Needing something as pathetic as air molecules infested with oxygen and hydrogen was a retched existence. Being human after being among the most powerful of all immortals was disheartening.

To know that my death was near was even more so.

Although I had purposely planned my birth to coincide with that of a nobleman's, I had not foreseen the coming of a sibling.

Relena Peacecraft was not the incarnation of a Demon, an Angel, a Venial, a Sin, a Temptation, a Grace---in fact there was absolutely nothing out of the ordinary about her. Except for her unconditional love.

It was an odd thing that after living an unaccountable number of years in Heaven and Hell---I had never experienced the type of love that she offered: a human love. The love of a sister.

Because in Heaven---we were all male. There were no females among us---which is why there was never anything other than love. There were no Mothers to give birth---which meant that family, in the mortal sense, did not exist. Incest wasn't a word, nor did it matter. We were brothers. But this was not a hinder towards love.

I had broken away from her. Made everyone believe that I had died because it was the easiest way.

Yes, I was callous, I was angry---yet I was also tempted by an old love. Tempted into wanting to sink back into it and live out the rest of my days within He---HIS arms. Therefore I allowed my last mortal name to die.

Because Noin did not love me. And Go---Treize had died for me.

It was the third day in a row that I had had to remain in bed. Exhausted, cold, hot, sweating, shivering, coughing, headaches...the common things associated with any typical mortal illness. Except no mortal had even borne the markings of God upon their backs.

Black welts, growing darker and more pronounced as the days went by.

_- - - _

Human emotions are dangerous. It is not just because human nature is created to go along with impulsiveness. Rashness is an attribute common to all living organisms. Human emotions are dangerous because like all mortals, they are easily manipulated by those who are not mortal. Those who will never die.

The Sins, those who came into being along with God, they are the greatest manipulators. They are the ones who led to eventual downfall and are responsible for all impulses, including those of the Angels.

The only Order who has never been affected are the Seraphim. They are a lonely lot being closed off and emotionless beings whose only duty is to chant the name of God.

_ Vanity._

But even these Immortals are dying. The Nine Choirs have failed and it is only a matter of time before the end comes for us.

Yet---the Sins---they aren't dying. They've continued their EXISTENCE as if nothing had changed.

And they have been hunting for me once again. I am not sure as to the reasons for this. Perhaps they wish to meet with their old master. Perhaps they wish to play games. Whatever the reason, I must not allow myself to be found. They will be the end of me.

_ The Envy. The Lust._

I was consumed by many of them. But in the end so was God.

_-_

_"It was a mistake to attempt to lie to me. How could you ever think that I would never know it was you?"_

_"Perhaps it was a bit of an oversight, but you weren't supposed to have come here. You and I were never meant to mortal." He reached out to me then. In His human form His elegance was downplayed, but evident in the demeanor and in the facial expressions that Treize Khushrenada's face managed so well. "---as we were never meant to part."_

_"It was not I who cast myself down! I am here to prove that you lack omnipotence. The reason for my expulsion was not due to my _evil _nature. It was to create a purpose for your meaningless existence. You needed someone to contradict your nature. So you chose me. You pithiless bastard."_

_"I love you still. As I love your brothers and all my children."_

_I kept my fists on either side of my body. How to argue with God? "Damn you."_

_- _

I had replaced the gauze patches on my back and after noticing that my food supply had begun to run low I decided that it was time to leave the apartment. I would have to emerge into the light of day, the light that I once helped bring to the world.

What an irony that now the same light rules my life.


	4. Prayer Of A Returned Exile

**S E R A P H**

_- - - _

**Prayer Of A Returned Exile  
**

_- - - _

_ The lord answered me  
When I called in my distress  
Lord, deliver me from lying lips  
From treacherous tongues_

_What will the lord inflict on you  
O treacherous tongue  
And what more besides?  
A warrior's sharpened arrows  
And fiery coals of brushwood_

_Alas, I was an alien in Meshech  
I lived near the tents of Kedar  
Too long did I live  
Among those who hated peace  
They were for war_

_---Psalm One-hundred-twenty_

_- - - _

"Ms?"

I stood from the chair as the secretary smiled at me, beckoning me to follow.

"Mr. Winner will see you now."

I nodded and followed his instructions down the hall.

It was strange to walk around without my shield. It would be even stranger to slip back into being Michael.

I was used to Noin. I had been Noin for over twenty years. I _liked_ her. I had learned to live with all of the strange parts of her body and had adapted myself well enough that becoming Michael was not a necessity. I just wasn't him anymore.

As soon as I stepped into the room he turned towards me.

Quatre Raberba Winner was a small man. He was only taller than me by about 3 inches, which put him at a noticeably short 5'6".

He was petite, with soft round eyes and wonderful skin just like that of the Cherubium Order. But he had a darkness to him. He had that fearlessness of death.

But then again, he was an Angel of Death. God's Sword _had_ no fear.

His face was angered.

"Michael?"

"Yes, my brother, it is I."

He walked towards me and I feared that he would take me in his arms. I was unused to overt affections. It would not be prudent of him to---

He slapped me harshly across the face.

"You sniveling, ungrateful wretch. How dare you hide yourself from me? Your Third Brother?"

A defense. I needed something to reassure him. We had not broken on the most amicable of terms. My brother needed a reassurence. I needed to make him believe that he was wanted. He'd spent so much of his life feeling unwanted.

_ God's Wrath has no weakness. A smile was earned through servitude._

I ignored the urge to rub my swelling cheek. I was mortal now, I was far from weak. "I was not aware that you were Gabriel. It has only come to my attention as of recently."

Anger pierced his aqua eyes. He glowered and I felt as if I were in danger of being further abused. "You are a horrible liar. A _liar._ What has become of you, Michael?"

"_Noin_. My name is _'Noin'_ now. And the lie was to save you pain. I am not heartless."

"_'Pain'?_ You wish to know about pain?"

I held my hand out to him. "I did not come here to quarrel. There is a pressing matter I must speak with you of."

"How could you not know it was me? Am I not Gabriel? Are you not Second Eldest?"

I looked carefully at him. He was wearing a soft shirt of lilac cotton. Black slacks. His appearance was that of a child. Really, could he blame me for attempting a deception? Why would anyone believe this boy to be the most feared of Archangels?

"Lucifer, Quatre. _Lucifer_. Forget your reproach and speak to me. Are you willing to aid in his recovery?"

"You did not search for _**me**_, dear Brother."

He sighed, turning back towards his large desk. "I would have been able to give you my aid if you had ony asked for it. I was not the one that kept hidden. I was revealed to you from the beginning. It was _you_ who wished to remain obscure."

"Quatre---"

"GABRIEL. I am Gabriel. You might be content to continue your farce of being Noin, of being _in love_ with Sally Po, but I will not. I continue my existence."

It was a deepening pain that he would not listen to me. That he would deny that I cared only for him as a sister would.

_-_

_"I have chosen between lovers...you are not his equal in my love...Raphael is with me, Gabriel...will you force me now to chose between brothers?"_

_"I only force you to chose between loyalties. Where do Raphael's lie? Are you so blind?"_

_"Are you so full of hate that you cannot stand for my happiness?"_

_His eyes shone. "I wish only for your contentment. Go with an unburdened heart towards him. But do not expect me to remain blithe and placid. I hold no more love than what is necessary towards him. He does not deserve your affection."_

_- _

What to say when you've buried a love?

"I do not wish to discuss her with you."

"Then let us proceed. Have you heard anything more about Lucifer?"

"Only that he currently resides in Neo-France. Other than that I know very little of his whereabouts."

He was now sitting behind his desk, motioning for me to sit on one of the plush chairs.

I sat and he immediately noticed the small expression of discomfort I had let pass over my face.

"This _affliction_, you both are affected?"

I stared at him. "You jest."

He downcast his eyes, the golden lashes brushing his skin. "I only wish to know---"

I lowered my voice, allowing my age be heard, allowing the depth to emerge. "You think that this is a blessing? Not only am I mortal, but I have very little time to live. And you would take these wretched marks as blessings? Envious fanatic. Would you look upon my torment and wish me luck?"

"I---"

"Do not pretend otherwise! There will not be anymore conversation between the two of us. If you do not wish to leave the past be, then you are of little assistance to me."

He sounded tired. "I only wished to know of your health. I am aware that you are no longer immortal." he shut his eyes for the briefest of moments. "I wish this were not so."

"In what manner can you offer aid?"

"As you know, Winner Enterprises is a communications and technology company. If you so desire, you will have the best computer trackers and technology in the the world at your disposal. You will have transportation and informants in every corner of the world and the colonies."

"Would your personal help be limited to stoic phone conversations and infrequent meetings?" I shook my head. "I need _your_ help. Without your aid I am no where. You are Gabriel. You are third eldest and you are still an Immortal. You are the Eldest now."

"Then why can I not feel you inside of me?"

I lowered my voice to a whisper. "I do not know." I fidgeted with my hands, clasping and unclasping them in my lap. "It is the same manner in which I do not know why I have retained a faint display of my previous powers. Raphael is the same. He will remain forever the same as will you. I can feel you in my head. I feel all of you still."

His speech was insistent. "I can feel our younger siblings, but now that you are..." he trailed off. "...should I not be able to sense at least a _part_ of you?"

I shrugged. "It is a fact that the Elders can feel the Younger. Perhaps it remains so."

"Lucifer knows who you are."

The wound reopened. "Yes."

"Through the Academy years, while you thought of his only as Zechs---he---"

I would not speak of it.

"I must leave now."

The silence tripped over the awkwardness.

"If you must---then contact me."

"Whe---"

He smiled. "The way we used to."

_ 'I will wait for you to call on me, Brother.'_

His telepathic message was a jolt to my senses. It had been over twenty years since I had last communicated in this manner.

_ 'I bid you a farewell, Gabriel. I must depart.'_

_ 'Godspeed and may your search not be in vain.'_

I walked out of his door.

The weight upon my conscience remained heavy.

I had realized during our telepathic conversation that I had not thought about God for an unmentionable amount of time.

I was beginning to forget His face.


	5. Sorrow And Hope In Exile

**S E R A P H**

_- - - _

**Sorrow And Hope In Exile**

_- - - _

_ By the rivers of Babylon  
We sat in mourning and weeping  
When we remembered Zion  
On the poplars of that land  
We hung up our harps  
There our captors asked us  
For the words of a song  
Our tormentors,  
For a joyful song  
'Sing for us a song of Zion!'  
But how could we sing  
The song of the Lord  
In a foreign land?_

_If I forget you Jerusalem  
May my right hand wither  
May my tongue stick to my palate  
If I do not remember you  
If I do not exalt Jerusalem  
Beyond all my delights_

_Remember, Lord  
Against Edom  
That day at Jerusalem  
They said:  
'Level it, level it down to its foundations!'  
Fair Babylon  
You destroyer  
Happy those who pay you back  
The evil you have done us!  
Happy those who seize your children  
And smash them against a rock._

_---Psalm One-hundred-thirty-seven_

_- - - _

_ Bleed for me, I'll live forever  
Drink of me and live forever_

She couldn't remember clearly the words of the song.

She did remember that they were a mutated form of Christian teachings...

_ The blood and body of Christ_

...but the song had been about one of the more creative human creations of a vampire. A nonexistent creature, althought similar beings had lived once. Soul-eaters. Actual Reapers who survived to swallow souls. Another one of God's children.

There was a deep sigh in place of an amused smile. She'd dreamt another dream, another figment of uninspired subconsciousness. Her memory was distinctly faded and blurred. Her mortal mind was not that of an angel's who tended to have photographic memories. She remembered that she used to be able to call every creature on Earth, the Heavens, and Hells by their individual Chosen name.

Now, she had difficulties in remembering miniscule details that should not have troubled her.

She'd been angry in the dream. It was the only aspect that she could muster reconasance for. She'd been very angry.

_-_

_"I'm angry at you because there's a reason!"_

_He remained passive and uninvolved._

_"Angry **with** you. **With** you." He strained his expression into a small resonance of emotion. "Because of how your jests always seem to damage me in the place that hurts the most. You are not being careful of my thoughts."_

_He was facing him now "What do you wish for me to say?"_

_- _

Sally was working at Headquarters.

Noin had regulatorily informed Commander Une that she would not be volunteering anymore. She'd announced her retirement from Relena's Guard and was readying herself for the move to Old-France.

Quatre had opened an unlimited fund for her in a Universal bank account, therefore the money was of no issue.

She furrowed her brow in worry.

He'd mentioned that the only manner in which to proceed was to stalk Lucifer until he showed himself.

_-_

_"I don't wish for you to say anything more." He stilled his anger, keeping quiet for the briefest of moments. "Feelings are not important---they tend to waver constantly. My thoughts and convictions do not!" The force of his voice rushed quickly back to flush his words in strength "You hurt my integrity merely by admitting your words in a manner that entertains you, yet manages to stain my person. How can you **dare** to insinuate to love---to **know** me when you continue to defragment everything I say?"_

_His own voice was acrid. Metallic and as cutting as a garrote. "As I have said---what is it you wish me to say?"_

_"Nothing. I desire for your silence so that I may speak my peace. Will you disallow me even this small reprise from your blows?"_

_- _

Things were proceeding at a rapid rate. She would be leaving in two days.

Two days.

Sally would not be accompanying her, but would nonetheless keep in constant communication by telepathy and through various other channels such as the less-secure audio-vid.

If she met with Zechs...she would be needing Raphael's tender aid. Her brother did not want to be found. There was no true reason for his obstinance. She frowned. She could see no resulting harm towards him. Why was he refusing a simple wish? She needed to find him. She did not want to die before---

_-_

_"When have I ever denied you of anything? Even this relationship---this entire tense situation between the two of us---have I not showed my affection towards you?"_

_"Your words work against you." The silence enveloped him once again. "I believe...I believe I am beginning to fall out of rapture with you. You have been unpredictable, yet you have become comfortable with the idea of me. Comfortable enough that you would call me ignorant...that you would call me insignificant and facticious."_

_"Yet I ask---what is it that you wish of me?"_

_Tears did not come. He could not cry. It was impossible to cry. The instance had passed. The emotion was no longer as strong. "You are becoming worthless to me."_

_His eyes flashed in a deep surgence of immediate raw power. "Do you realize what you are speaking?"_

_- _

_---_before seeing him again.

Noin needed Sally, this was why they were together. She needed the presence of her, the reassuring feel of steady warmth. Michael needed Raphael because he needed at least some thread of heaven, needed to have the feeling of absolute light. Heaven was not so easily forgotten, was not so easily tossed aside for an alternative.

Without the continuing contact of a full angel, he doubted he would be able to continue.

And yet...Michael loved Raphael. Loved him with the strongest emotion possible. The tenderest and most painful of loves.

And yet...Lucifer was first. And he remained an aching burning within Michael's heart.

He loved Lucifer.

It frightened him.

Frightened him that he would love him more than God...

_-_

_He stared at him. "You have just accomplished in your quest to force me into detesting someone I have loved. I no longer hold any semblance of caress towards you."_

_"You exaggerate to suit your own purposes. You embelish all situations that come upon you. Why must it be you who insists on creating this unbearable friction?"_

_He stared at him with eyes of unforgiving violet. "Do not presume to know all my thoughts."_

_- _

...and yet...

He had forced himself away from him.

For the sake of God.

Because He could not accept to share. Could not accept what was not mean to be.

Lucifer was Fallen.

The Fallen did not join with the Just in harmony.

And yet...

He loved him still. Could remember this hands, his lips, his caress...his smile and his tears.

He often closed his eyes and saw that face. But lately, it had blended in with that of Zechs'. The ice-cold eyes were the same. The hair, flowing long and platinum was similar. But Zechs lacked the ethereal perfection of Lucifer, lacked the sleeker lines, the exquisitely carved figure. Lacked grace, lacked elegance; lacked everything in comparsion.

Both Noin and Michael yearned for what their memories showed them.

Memories were all that they owned. Were all that they possessed. Michael's clearest memories were of Lucifer. God had refused the union, had denied them their love. He'd unknowingly obeyed. But---

Would God deny him of the memories?

_-_

_"I do not presume this," he closed his eyes. "I presume to know that we are over. Your love has faded."_

_There was an unsteady hesitance. "There is someone else."_


	6. The Miserere: Prayer Of Repentance

**S E R A P H**

_- - - _

**The Miserere: Prayer Of Repentance**

_- - - _

_Have mercy on me, god, in your goodness   
In your abundant compassion blot out my offense   
Wash away all my guilt;   
From my sin cleanse me   
For i know my offense   
My sin is always before me   
Against you alone have i sinned   
I have done such evil in your sight   
That you are just in your sentence   
Blameless when you condemn   
True, i was born guilty   
A sinner   
Even as my mother conceived me   
Still, you insist on sincerity of heart;   
In my inmost being teach me wisdom   
Cleanse me with hyssop   
That i may be pure   
Wash me   
Make me whiter than snow   
Let me hear sounds of joy and gladness   
Let the bones you have crushed rejoice _

_Turn away your face from my sins   
Blot out my guilt   
A clean heart create for me, god   
Renew in me a steadfast spirit do not drive me from your presence   
Nor take from me your holy spirit   
Restore my joy in your salvation   
Sustain in me a willing spirit   
I will teach the wicked your ways   
That sinners may return to you   
Rescue me from death   
God, my saving god   
That my tongue may praise your healing power   
Lord, open my lips   
My mouth will proclaim your praise   
For you do not desire sacrifice   
A burnt offering you would not accept   
My sacrifice, god, is a broken spirit   
God, do not spurn a broken, humbled heart _

_Make Zion prosper in your good pleasure   
Rebuild the walls of Jerusalem   
Then you will be pleased with proper sacrifice   
Burnt offerings and holocausts   
Then bullocks will be offered on your altar _

_---Psalm Fifty-one _

_- - - _

It had been an unavoidable contact.

Although I did not trust Venials or Temptations enough to reveal my state of deterioration or my place of rest, I had to let a few of them know of my existence.

Michael was searching for me. Gabriel was aiding him and I knew that if the two of them had joined forces, it was not of Michael's own volition.

Although Michael had never purposefully been cruel and despite the length in which his true-felt affections remained upon a single entity, he was a harmful lover.

I'd fallen in with my dearest brother perhaps out of need, out of a desire to be favored. Michael had responded to me in a manner that to this day forced my once unbeating heart to clench at the sight of his blood-red hair and violet eyes.

Those caresses and lingering glances had not passed between us for years.

And now that I felt the pressing of his will against mine, the touch of his skin came with it---enticing me despite the knowledge that Michael had betrothed his love to Raphael.

For the second time, Michael's love had shifted away from me towards another of our brothers.

I was not willing to be discovered only to be made a fool of.

I was now human. And I would not willing subject the weakness of my love to the amusement of others.

Immorality had informed me of the occurence with Noin in Sank.

The next day I had shifted my efforts from heading further north to Switzerland, to instead heading far west to Neo-France, hoping that the move would buy me the time to confuse the details of my whereabouts.

Immorality studied me, grey eyes pensive and submissive.

"Are you so certain that she will not discover this place?"

"My Lord, she cannot sense you. You need not worry for your safety."

A quirk of amusement sprung from my mind. "Will you lose your immortality to protect another worthless mortal, Solo?"

Immorality smiled at my use of his brother's nickname for him. "When my brother demands an asking of me, I comply. You are our Master and I serve your existence and no other."

Solo gave a shallow bow before he knelt at my feet.

I held out my hand to him.

He took it in both of his own, laying a gentle kiss against the back of it.

His eyelashes fluttered against my skin. "My brother will visit with you. Do not fear what he plans for you. I would tell you of his dealings, but I fear that I have no knowledge of them." His lips passed over my knuckles. "I leave you now, Master. Retain your posture. Suprise only encourages him to meddle with your emotions."

I passed a hand through thick strands of his heavy hair.

He gave me a puzzled look when I clenched a fist, pulling harshly on it. "You assume that my mortality has brought me to a measure of misguidance." I took my hand, caressing the length of his jaw in a press of anger and roughness.

His grey eyes betrayed no signs of pain, rather, they possessed a slight anticipation. Of what?

The scent of orchids.

I released Solo, standing as I pushed him aside, causing him to lose his balance. As I stared into the face of Lust, his younger brother lay slumped against my leg, hair across his face, with the mark of my hand fresh upon his cheek.

Lust lifted a shapely eyebrow, lilac-drenched eyes surveying the situation with deep merriment.

"I have just arrived, yet I see that my dear little brother has already begun to manipulate you into a state of unsatiated desire." He looked away from me to glance at Solo.

"Brother, must you attempt to displease me? Our Master does not wish your attentions. Therefore, stop making ill attempts at a seduction."

Solo glowered at him, rising slowly to his feet. "There was no attempt brother." He gave another curt bow, this time directed towards Lust. "It must have been your insinuated presence that caused the tension." Immorality smirked, glancing back at me.

"Be gone, Solo. I wish to have a solitary audience with your brother."

Immorality disappeared before my perception-dulled eyes could register.

Lust turned his full attention towards me, a sickeningly beautiful smile full upon his lips.

"You believe that I've come only to torment you, do you not, My Lord?"

"I know not what to believe."

"Yes, well that is why we must speak. But I'm afraid that it will not be possible to speak alone."

"You would defy my wishes?" The false anger in my voice mocked Lust's useless attempt at proper etiquette.

"It cannot be helped, My Lord. Envy has insisted that he must also be part of your audience."

With those words, Envy made his entrance, using the door located to the far left of the room.

Lust sat on the couch in front of me, his body expressing impatience.

Envy was quiet. Reserved and almost unoticeable as he walked towards us.

His hair was antique brown, a rich color that spilled into his eyes, covering half of his face in a veil. Pine green eyes surveyed the surroundings with sharp precision.

He kneeled before me, one knee touching the ground, his head bowed.

"Why do you insist on this pretense of respect? This disgusting display that was left behind in the Courts of long ago?"

Lust tossed his knee-length braid behind him, a gesture of simulated surprise playing across his carefully poised face.

"My Lord, we wish only to give you the proper accordances that are yours by right."

"When will you understand that I do not desire reverence or idolatry? I do not wish to be deified! I am not your god nor am I your master! I am Zechs. A human. MORTAL."

Anger finally pushed aside Lust's mask. "Fine! You are Zechs. He---" he pointed at Envy's kneeling form "---is Trowa. And I remain as Duo Maxwell, pilot of the Gundam Deathscythe Hell. Is this how you prefer our future proceedings to go?"

"Yes."

Duo scoffed, taking his seat once again and crossing his gracefully long legs. "Then they shall." He nudged Trowa lightly with the toe of his black boot. "Trowa---you do not need to play the part of the subserviant anymore. Zechs dislikes having followers."

Envy arose, taking a seat beside Duo.

"What is it you want of me, Duo? I doubt that you would have taken the time to search for me unless it meant something to you."

He smirked, as he toyed with the silver rosary he wore around his neck. "You assume correctly. I wanted to ask you a question."

"_'A question?'_ You've come this far to ask a question of me?"

I was suspicious of his ambitions. A Sin always had ulterior motives. Every action was based upon the results of multiple other actions and those were carefully constructed after various analyzations of the best possible outcome.

Was it wise to lend myself to Lust's games?

"Yes, a question." His voice softened, a velvet-covered persistance coating over the satin smoothness of his tone.

I felt myself nodding, gesturing to him a motion of encouragement to proceed.

"If I were to tell you that I could restore your immortality, that I could restore you to your place as ruler of Hell, what would you say?"

"No."

I had startled him. There had been no hesitation in my voice.

Rage and uncertaintly began to build up in his eyes. "You would throw away your chances for survival?"

For the first time Envy broke his silence.

"He does not wish to survive without Michael. There is no reason for his existence. He feels that he does not belong to the living world anymore..." he paused. "...and he is **tired**, Duo."

"_'Tired'?_" Duo stared at me. "You're tired of living? Has this human life extinguished your desires, your elation, your passion? Is there really nothing more that you wish?"

I leaned into the couch, resting my suddenly aching back onto soft cushions. "I have lost the only two things that I ever had passion for." I closed my eyes. "I cannot fathom a world that is missing even one of them. Do you truly belive that I would want to continue living with this pain?"

"I could get her for you."

My heart skipped several beats, yet I remained unresponsive to his inticements.

"If you wish for her, she will become yours. And if it is only her face, her physical body that you wish---" he broke off, stopping to recapture his use of persuasion.

His voice lowered, sinking into a beguiling accent of sultry seduction. "---if she is really what you desire, I could become her for you. I would become Him, if is Michael that you long for: his face, those eyes of tarnished plum. I could give you anything you desired with a single thought. You need only to ask it."

I opened my eyes, staring at the black colored ceiling.

"Yes, you could easily give me that."

"Then, why do you hesitate?"

"Do you think I would be content in knowing that it took a Sin to force Him back into my arms?"

Trowa's essence filled my stomach with unease. He spoke in his stoic voice. "You should not envy that which you cannot help. It was never any fault of yours that He was not meant for you."

A burst of laughter strained itself out of my throat. "You---you of all entities, telling me that I should not be _envious?_ You mock me."

"I speak only what you do not wish to hear."

Duo sighed. "You've truly lost your passion. You've become completely mortal."

"Why do you say that?"

He placed his hands in his lap, a measure of sadness creeping into his demeanor.

"Because you have forsaken your last thread of soul for that woman. You've become immune to my control. You belong to Hope---and to Love."

_- - -_

_- - -_

_- - -_

Well goddamn. It's been something like two years since I updated this fic. And there is no reason for it since I have up to chapter ten written. In the coming days I shall upload the rest of the chapters and then leave it at that. After all of this time I still retain fondness for this story and I hope some of you do as well.

The earlier chapters have also been edited so that format remains constant and there are a few changes within them so if you're terribly bored, you could always re-read them. Once again thanks to anyone who bothered to read my work and who I've disappointed for whatever reasons. Thanks go out to Crary and Killraven, as always.


	7. The Vanity Of Life

**S E R A P H**

_- - - _

**The Vanity Of Life**

_- - - _

_ I said,   
'I will watch my ways,   
Lest I sin with my tongue;   
I will set a curb on my mouth.'   
Dumb and silent before the wicked   
I refrained from any speech.   
But my sorrow increased   
My heart smoldered within me   
In my thoughts a fire blazed up   
And I broke into speech _

_Lord, let me know my end   
The number of my days   
That I may learn how frail I am   
You have given my days a very short span   
My life is as nothing before you   
All mortals are but a breath   
Mere phantoms   
We go our way   
Mere vapor   
Our restless pursuits   
We heap up stores without knowing for whom   
And now, lord   
What future do i have?   
You were my only hope   
From all my sins deliver me   
Let me not be the taunt of fools _

_I was silent and did not open my mouth   
Because you were the one who did this   
Take your plague away from me   
I am ravaged by the touch of your hand   
You rebuke our guilt and chasten us   
You dissolve all we prize like a cobweb   
All mortals are but a breath   
Listen to my prayer   
Lord   
Hear my cry   
Do not be deaf to my weeping   
I sojourn with you like a passing stranger   
A guest, like all my ancestors   
Turn your gaze from me   
That I may find peace   
Before I depart   
To be no more _

_---Psalm Thirty-nine_

_- - - _

The streets were littered with the homeless and the lost.

She didn't like being vulnerable, susceptibility was not something that she had ever been accustomed to.

It was cool. The air was stiff with the ending of autumn and there would be rain.

It was dusk and she had spent the first day searching for answers.

The first place that she had looked towards was a bar---Prosaic.

It seemed that after the Death, all of the preternatural beings had been forced to remain or flee to Earth. But the cities had noticed the sudden increase in population and they had been forced to remain hidden in the dark.

None of the Immortals or Near-Immortals had chosen to leave Earth. The colonies were not natural and they held no tradition or holiness; either that of good or evil. Immortals would not last long if they abandoned the Earth.

She hadn't managed to find out anything new and had stupidly provoked Wrath to appear.

He hadn't been very pleased with her.

-

_"You are a complete idiot."_

_"Why are you here? I have no business with you."_

_"You will achieve nothing through acting the fool. What happened to your finesse?"_

_"Maybe I've lost patience for my mission." She removed her sword from the body of a demon, wiping the blood on her black shirt. red tended not to show up on black._

_- _

What did Wrath want? And more importantly, how did he find her so quickly? Gabriel's mind-shield should have clouded her well enough to go unnoticed by the Sins at least for a few days.

She would have to be more careful from now on.

Althought Wrath tended to be helpful at times and despite being the most patient of the Sins, he was also the Eldest or the equivalent of Lucifer.

She sunk her hands into the pockets of her black pea-coat.

She wanted to be with Sally right now. She wanted to be somewhere else. Wanted to be someone else.

_-_

_Wrath tapped his fingers on the hilt of his own sword, the look on his face displeased. "We were never enemies, Lucrezia. Do not confuse yourself into thinking that is it now any different."_

_They made a path for her as she made her way outside of the club. Once she stepped outside she faced him. "I'm already doing all I can. I will find him, but it will take time."_

_"Time is the only thing you do not have! He will die or he will become re-instated into Hell!"_

_Surprise took over her featues. "That---that is impossible. God is dead. We cannot...I cannot..." _

_- _

She turned to the left of the street, hurrying along the broken path to the apartment Quatre had rented out for her.

It was a bit to upperclass for her liking, but he was paying, so she couldn't really complain about the accomodations.

She walked past the welcoming security guard at the doors and wound her way through the small crowds in the lobby to the elevator.

It was empty and for that she gave a small prayer of relief.

She hated being trapped with strangers.

_-_

_Wrath tilted his head, prussian eyes unblinking. "The Sins were born at the same moment as your **GOD** came into existence. Do you think we lack any of his supposed omnipotence? We cannot create permanently, but we can rebuild with our wills."_

_Her mouth was dry. "But who would do that for him? Does someone love Lucifer enough to reinstate him against his will?"_

_"'Love?' It is not about love. But your intuition is correct on some points." Heero sighed._

_"Then who must I kill?"_

_- _

The penthouse was spacious and because the people who rented it out paid an unnaturally large amount of money for the privilege, it also came with the utmost privacy, which was perfect for the purposes it was needed for.

Gabriel had knowingly supplied her with all of the weapons that she would need to complete mission including various swords, guns and small cameras and bombs.

She stripped off her jacket and the rest of her clothing, discarding them in favor of a skin-suit. She had to train. If she were to meet Zechs, there could not be any hesitation.

He would not give her a chance to hesitate.

_-_

_"You would presume to kill one who cannot be killed?"_

_"God is **DEAD!** He was not supposed to have died either, yet it is so! You would DARE to compare yourself to him?"_

_"It is true that He died, but it is because he could not be reborn---**'that which was never born cannot be be reborn'**. You know this mantra as well as I."_

_Realization spread across her face. "Then---"_

_His smile was sharp. "Yes. This is why we must not allow Lust to convince Lucifer to accept him. If he were to say but yes, Lust would reinstate your brother not as ruler of Hell---" He paused and the seconds of silence passed between the both of them, ushering in horrors unspoken._

_- _

She wondered briefly about Zechs. What was he doing? Was he doing alright? Was he alone? Was he lonely?

She programmed the excercise drone for Kendo and prepared her sword for it's attack.

Was he with someone? Why did he never tell her? All the time that they were together, all the time that she and he...

Never once did she sense him in those smiles, in the touches, in the kisses---she was so blind.

Maybe she'd _wanted_ to be fooled. Wanted to be kept in the dark.

Maybe Michael lied to himself, kept himself removed from reality. For him. For her?

_ "---but as a new God." _

She wiped her hands on her skin-suit. A faint sheen of sweat covered her forehead from the exertion of the match.

Although the droid was programmed to be a formidable opponent, it was still no match for the sword and battle skills that both Zechs and Lucfier possessed.

He was the being who nearly toppled God. Who nearly destroyed Earth.

What would have Treize thought?

Treize was God, afterall.

What did he really think of his Lightning Baron?

And of Lieutenant Noin? Did he purposely keep hidden from everyone?

She did not know. In ways, did not wish to know of the complete truth.

Her audio-vid alerted her that someone was attempting to contact her.

She let it beep until the cold voice of the computer came on, ushering the caller to leave a message.

The voice that came across the staticy line forced her body into a state of frozen shock.

_-_

_She felt her face ashen, her breath caught and lodging in the pit of her stomach. "That is---that is **blasphemy**...no one would---"_

_His voice dropped to a masked whisper. "You have said it yourself..._ 'Who could love him enough'?_...you love him enough, Lucrezia."_

_Her body trembled slightly, horror and rage spilling across her features. "Are you insinuating---"_

_"I am merely making mention of a fact. Even the Michael that you've tried to bury so deeply knows this: **feels** this. Michael loves Lucifer---will he let you kill him?"_

_- _

"Noin."

Her breath stilled.

Could it be?

She dripped the handle of the sword tightly.

Could it---?

"Noin?"

Zechs?

"Noin?" The voice shifted from a deeply masculine voice to the lilting alto of a woman. "This is Sally. Are you there, Noin?"

She hadn't wanted to cry. She really hadn't. But it was Raphael.

If she loved him, if it was Raphael that she wanted...why did she feel her heart contract at the mistaken identity?

Why couldn't she bring herself to answer the call?

_-_

_"I am Michael. And if it comes to that---I will."_

_He laughed and it was bitter. "You would rather kill yourself than cause pain in those blue eyes. Do not lie. You belong to him. One has only to see the expression upon your face at the mention of his name to know."_

_Heero sighed. "You do not even know of the plans that work around you. You have clouded over Michael's judgment and he cannot see what is happening." He stepped away from the wall. _

_"You speak in riddles, Sin. What is it you mean? What is it that you believe I should know?"_

_Wrath's face was solemn. "if you knew what truths were being witheld from you, you would proceed in a path that would lead to chaos. it is better that you remain in the dark."_

_"Then why did you---?"  
_

_With little ceremony Wrath disappeared from her line of vision.  
_

_Did his words truly mean anything?_

_- _

Why did she feel such despair?

_- - - _

_- - - _

_- - - _

I hate ffnet's policy for line breaks and spacing. I had to adapt the figure out some way to properly separate the sections in italics from the rest of the story so I opted for centering them. Does it still flow well enough? It's the best I could do under the circumstances.


	8. Prayer In Time Of Illness

**S E R A P H **

_- - -_

**Prayer In Time Of Illness**

_- - -_

_How long, lord?   
Will you utterly forget me?   
How long will you hide your face   
From me?   
How long must I carry   
Sorrow in my soul   
Grief in my heart   
Day after day?   
How long will my enemy   
Triumph over me? _

_Look upon me   
Answer me   
Lord, my God!   
Give light to my eyes   
Lest I sleep in death   
Lest my enemy say   
'I have prevailed'   
Lest my foes rejoice at my downfall _

_I trust in your faithfulness   
Grant my heart joy in your help   
That I may sing of the lord   
'How good our God has been to me?' _

_---Psalm Thirteen _

_- - -_

My wounds were throbbing, aching, prickling: BURNING.

Every conceiveable description of pain flashed in paraxysms of sheer violence. The spasms and convulsions were overwhelming me, even as I attempted to reach the drugs I kept handily at my bedside.

I brought a shaken hand to my temple, staggering to my knees: coughing dark, dark blood.

She was near.

The scars, my last immortal senses knew it. She was going to find me. HE was going to find me.

_ 'Damn you, Solo. I need you.' _

My mind was threatening to burst.

Images.

Images of her.

Of him.

_ '**SOLO!**' _

My vision was darkening. I could no longer make out the room, the lights outside my curtained window becoming dim reminders that no one would come to my aid.

Perhaps I was nothing to fight this illness.

My cheek felt the uninviting cold of the floor just searing hot hands lifted me up, carrying me and at the same time, relieving me of all pain, all emotions except for one:

_- - - _

_"If you feel weak, just call for me."_

_I sneered at him, running my hands along the hem of my jacket. "Why would I wish to do that?"_

_"Because if you are in pain, if you are dying, either I, Envy or Lust will be able to save you. We can act as receptables for the pain. Eliminate it for a time."_

_"Idon't wish for your help." He leaned over me as I lay coughing horribly on the bed, ruining my last bit of adamacy. _

_"Don't be a fool. I would take your pain into myself a thousand millenias over. Do not be so proud. Yyou'll force Lust to appear and then you'll truly feel awful." _

_I felt myself smiling between coughs, but he was not trying to illicit humor from me. I looked upon his worried face and wondered briefly what would occur if Lust reappeared. especially now that I was so weak. As my thoughts trailed, Solo touched my forehead before I could stop him and the pain receeded from my body, leaving me alone with a Venial that was intent on corrupting me._

_- - - _

_Vanity._

I was laid on the bed, not able to feel my limbs and with the copper taste of rotting blood in my mouth.

"This affliction always strikes you during the times when no one is near enough to help you." He sat atop the night-table, staring at me steadily with his unflinching black eyes.

I tried speaking, but my mouth wouldn't work. I was neither angry nor upset. I felt nothing but two singular and very much peristent emotions.

Vanity. Greed.

He frowned, an almost negligible furrowing of his brow. "Don't attempt to speak with your voice. Your throat has been damaged. Telepathy seemed to have aided you quite well before when you were so desperately calling out to Solo." His voice shifted into a much more demanding tone. "Use it now."

_'Why are you here?'_

Even telepathically, his voice was rich in sarcasm. _'Would you have preferred Solo? Trust me when I tell you that his various_ "charms" _would have been of no use to you in the state you're in. Besides, Lust wouldn't have been very happy if you indulged in his brother. He's very possessive of you.'_

_'The reason I called to him is because he doesn't reek of ulterior motives like the rest of you. I can trust that if I tell him_ "no" _he will obey.'_

He switched out of telepathic mode.

"You know, I could have left you here to lay unconscious and alone. If you truly want to know, it was I that blocked all three of them from knowing of your plight."

He slid off the table, sticking his hands in the pockets of his white pants. "Wrath wished to know of my intents. Will I join Lust and Envy or will I join with him. I am unsure. My instincts as both Greed and Vanity lead me to follow my younger brother. But my mind insists that it would be stupid not to go along with Wrath's plans." He gazed at me as I continued immobile and passive on my bed.

"What do you think, hmm, _Master_?"

_'Do as you please. I have no wish to join either.'_

"I believe that you are in the right. But I can understand why you wish for the company of my two brothers. Lust is quite committed to his job, isn't he?" Another smirk.

"But you like Immorality, I forget. Yes, we cannot forget that little rebel. Almost got himself killed trying to oppose me. Seems that he wanted to save you. Pathetic boy. Really, was is it that you do to them that makes them so willing to die for you? Even Lust would kill me if he knew about the shield I momentarily placed around you."

My voice. My throat felt like it had been scrapped open. My trachea felt removed, but I would risk any pain to speak my peace. "Wufei." I rasped.

"Yes?"

"Remove yourself from my presence. Now."

He gave me a mock bow and a perfect academy salute. "Yes, Master."

As soon as he was gone, the pain returned, threatening once again to claim my sanity.

"Master!" Solo's bloodied and marred face hovered over me.

The pain receeded immediately, yielding to his touch just as it had with Wufei.

I looked at his face. Bruised, cut, missing skin and his hair, all of that wonderful shimmering mass; wilted and dirty. _'You should not have done it. I would have been fine.'_

"But I didn't want him to touch you. You will suffer the more for it. Please don't speak. You might force Him to reappear again and I will have another Sin's wrath to face. We will have to move you from here. You're too weak to change cities, but a change of living quarters will have to take place. I hope you haven't gotten attached to the view."

I looked upon his worried face and wondered briefly what would happen if Vanity rediscovered me.

There was silence as he tended to his own wounds and to mine.

Then after what seemed to be several minutes he turned away from me. "Noin is here. That is why neither Lust or Envy reacted quickly enough to come to your aid. They are keeping her preoccupied enough for me to take you somewhere else."

_'How are they going about this?'_

He stared out into the cloud-covered world outside. "They are pursuing her with Insanity."

_- - -_

_- - - _

_- - - _

God, I love Vanity. I love Immorality.

Two more chapters to go. The next being my absolute favorite up until this point. I hope you enjoy it as I am very keen on it and much happens.

Ansible: I really didn't think anyone had kept up with this story. Thank you for your compliment. I will do my best, as always to complete a story, especially this one. So, perhaps there is hope for it.


	9. Lament Over Widespread Corruption

**S E R A P H**

_- - -_

**Lament Over Widespread Corruption**

_- - -_

_Fools say in their hearts   
'There is no God'   
Their deeds are loathsome   
And corrupt   
Not one does what it right   
God looks down from heaven   
Upon the human race   
To see if even one is wise   
If even one seeks God   
All have gone astray   
All alike are perverse   
Not one does what is right   
Not even one _

_Will these evildoers ever learn?   
They devour my people as they devour bread   
They do not call upon God   
They have a good reason to fear   
Though now they do not fear   
For god will certainly scatter   
The bones of the Godless   
They will surely be pt to shame   
For God has rejected them _

_Oh, that from Zion might come   
The deliverance of Israel   
That Jacob may rejoice   
And Israel be glad   
When God restores the people _

_---Psalm Fifty-three _

_- - -_

Darkness has risen steadily, the clouds helping the dusk obscure everything in weak patches of grey. Rain beat down steadily upon her, the water cleansing her deteriorating hopes. She'd been searching everywhere for him and he wouldn't appear for her. He was not even willing to allow her a glimpse of himself.

Raphael was due to arrive with Gabriel if she failed to find Lucifer within the light of the seventh day.

It was the sixth and she was failing in every attempt and every moment of seeming victory.

The path she was walking had a definitive end. She would not survive the coming of autumn and yet her mission, her last grace of life was unraveling before her because she could not find Zechs.

She continued walking, the ever darkening streets soaking in all color and light, the weight of her sorrows pressing upon her temple. She staggered abruptly, slumping against a wall.

A powerful aura had just brushed against her. An aura that had momentarily fused with hers, causing her scars to flare in pain.

_'Zechs?'_

She reached for her sword, sweeping back the hair from her eyes.

She could feel the surrounding air contract with an influx of constrained power and she flinched at the intensity of it. The Sins were nearby. Envy and Lust she could discern, but a third presence was undetectable by her and there was only one being in existence that could shield themselves from her.

_Lucifer._

She pushed herself away from the wall and twisted her body around in a battle position. He was near. The second she spotted a flash of platinum she'd rush after him. She was breathing harshly, the air thick and barely breathable. He was not going to refuse her. He was not going to escape her now that she'd discovered him.

She diverted her attention to the end of the building and she saw him. Leaning elegantly against the corner, gloved hands clasped together. He turned to look at her and smiled. His long wisps of hair clung lovingly to his face, falling around his shoulders in solid, damp lines. He was exactly the same as he had always been...and Michael's reaction at seeing his face was sharp and immediate.

He wanted her gone. Wanted to spring forth and run into Zechs' arms. She collapsed on one knee, her scars reacting to his proximity. When she was in pain, she was vulnerable enough that Michael could force himself out of her. She would not willingly submit to being placed second.

She stood shakingly and ignored the pain.

She had to capture him somehow.

Approaching him hesistantly she caught a quick glimpse of his lips upturning and he was gone.

Lucifer no longer had his preternatural strength. What was happening?

She shifted around, vision swimming in red and the rain causing her to misjudge everything.

Where was he?

Behind her, to the right. He was standing there now, beckoning her forward and she ran towards him, sword unsheathed and in a defensive stance.

Again, he was gone just as she was about to reach him.

Her back was aching unbearably and Michael was screaming at her, demanding that she allow him to come forth. His wrath spilled over her and she was barely able to hold him in check. What was happening to her?

Zechs appeared almost directly beside her, extending a hand to her.

She swallowed a small moan of pain, hoping that perhaps this time he'd allow her a chance.

She placed her left hand in his and he pulled her towards him---

and she was on the pavement.

He was playing with her. The night was aiding him and the rain shielded him from her.

She was a desolate woman.

She was being made the fool. Being toyed with.

Lust and Envy envaded her, forcing bile to race up her throat and she coughed harshly in an attempt to keep herself from being ill.

Lucrezia Noin was no one's fool. But she was allowing her heart to be tugged on my invisible strings by two Sins intent on her destruction. Her emotions were heightened, her feelings tossed into a tumult of constantly shifting waves.

Why was he doing this to her?

"Noin! Noin!"

Someone was calling her. She was unwilling to turn towards the voice, but the urgency, the almost gentle insistence had her curving towards the sound.

It was him again. Zechs.

The same gloved hands. The same breathtaking face and gold-threaded hair.

But it was a lie.

She was willing to die in her pursuit of him, but not willing to be humilated. She would wait for Gabriel and Raphael.

But Michael was not willing to wait.

Her body collapsed completely against the ground and the wetness of the ground claimed her skin, enveloping her with its cold. She felt the veil of herself being ragedly being pulled away before she slipped into a darkened subconsciousness.

The hair was longer.

Vermilion red and covering the head like a halo of freshly spilt blood.

The body moved, hands unsteadily raising up and supporting the upper body. The face had shifted into an unrecognizable sweep of perfection. The full lips, straight aquiline nose, high angular cheekbones and skin pale and luminous like magnolia blossoms.

The eyes were the same.

That heavy shade of crushed amethysts swimming in black. Mercilessly beautiful and surrounded by lashes the color of the nearly black rubies.

Michael lifted himself off the ground. He gathered up Noin's sword and resheathed it.

He stared across the distance seperating him from Zechs and he stood before his lover, unmasked and utterly exposed.

"If Zechs' wishes to play games. Let him find another to delude. I am Michael and I no longer have a master to submit to."

He kept his face stern and he walked away.

_- - -_

Lust and Envy had blended themselves into the shadows, watching in interest as Noin feel for every illusion and phantom Insanity was decieving her with.

_'How love makes one forget to see through the veils.'_

Envy glanced at his elder brother. _'Lucifer was Michael's first lover as Zechs was Noin's. It is clear as to why Insanity can so easily create the illusions and masquerades he uses to play with her.'_

Lust sighed and refrained from replying. He quirked up an eyebrow and he sensed Solo and Zechs' approaching them.

Their master was not looking well.

Lust glared at Solo, questioning him in anger. "What have you allowed him to suffer while I was gone? Did you not shield him as I ordained?"

"Avarice was blocking us from him..."

Zechs pushed past Solo, stumbled and collapsed against Duo. _'What are you doing to her?'_

Lust's angry scowl was replaced by an amused smile. "We are protecting you from her by confusing her with thoughts of you. I asure you that no harm will come to her."

Envy broke his momentary silence. "Not physical pain, brother." He turned emerald eyes to him. "But do not lie by omission and declare that her mentality will remain unaltered."

Zechs coughed, throat still healing and unable to speak. _'I demand...demand that you release her from him.'_

When Lust only continued smiling, he pulled on the rosary hanging from his neck. _'This instant...'_

Lust wrapped his arms around Zechs and brought his lips to Zechs'. "As my master wishes."

Two things happened at once.

Insanity shattered the layer of illusion he'd placed upon Noin and Envy reached out to touch Zechs' shoulder, immediately ridding him of his pain and healing the wounds he'd gained from Avarice's visit.

Noin collapsed against the ground and Zechs broke away from the Sins, revealing himself to her and telepathically ordering them to depart.

Solo went first, followed by Envy and Lust, who lingering a bit and then disappeared.

He called out to her, hoping that she had not been hurt. "Noin! Noin!"

He began to apprach her slumped over body when he stopped, unable to continue forward.

Michael had appeared.

Michael was the one sprawled on the ground. Hurt and immobile.

He was being stared at by eyes that were unflinching and startlingly focused.

"If Zechs' wishes to play games. Let him find another to delude. I am Michael and I no longer have a master to submit to."

Zechs could not utter a single word.

Michael did not believe that he was real.

He thought that he was another illusion.

Standing before him, completely unprotected and empty.

And Michael could not tell it was him.

He watched as his lover walked away from his again.

Watched as the night engulfed his crimson hair and left only the glint of his sword flashing in his mind.

_Michael would not recognize him._

_- - -_

_- - -_

_- - -_

And Michael arises.


	10. Trust In God

**S E R A P H**

_- - -_

**Trust In God**

_- - -_

_The Lord is my light and my salvation   
Whom do I fear?   
The Lord is my life's refuge   
Of whom am I afraid?   
When evildoers come at me   
To devour my flesh   
These my enemies and foes   
Themselves stumble and fall   
Though an enemy encamp against me   
My heart does not fear   
Though war be waged against me   
Even then do I trust _

_One thing I ask of the Lord   
This I seek   
To dwell in the Lord's house   
All the days of my life   
To gaze on the Lord's beauty   
To visit his temple   
For God will hide me in his shelter   
In time of trouble   
Will conceal me in the cover of his tent   
And set me high upon a rock   
Even now my head is held high   
Above my enemies on every side!   
I will offer in his tent   
Sacrifices with shouts of joy   
I will sing and chant praise to the lord _

_Hear my voice, Lord, when I call   
Have mercy on me and answer me   
"Come," says my heart. "Seek God's face"   
Your face, Lord, do I see!   
Do not hide your face from me   
Do not repel your servant in anger   
You are my help   
Do not cast me off   
Do not forsake me   
God, my savior!   
Even if my father and mother   
Forsake me   
The lord will take me in _

_Lord, show me your way   
Lead me on a level path   
Because of my enemies   
Do not abandon me to the will of my foes   
Malicious and lying witnesses   
Have risen against me   
But I believe I shall enjoy the lord's goodness   
In the land of the living   
Wait for the lord, take courage   
Be stouthearted   
Wait for the lord _

_---Psalm Twenty-seven _

_- - -_

_"Remember me fondly..." he gave him one last smile. "Wherever it is that gods flee to, I will remember you...oh, Zechs...it would have been wonderful...your death would have that much value to it. If you died, you'd be free. Farewell, Zechs Merquise..."_

_- _

The memories and thoughts and fragments of dreams clung to the images of god and angels and demons.

Treize Khushrenada, the beloved general, the harmful lover, the corpse rotting beneath ground covered daily in roses by an agnostic woman who had no faith, but loved god more than her sanity and more than her own ideals.

Treize Khushrenada, the emobodiment of the only god who had enough power and enough grace to disallow any hatred from staining his name. God, who created all and who reveled in all things involving light and love.

Treize Khushrenada, the demanding lover, the idealistic leader.

Treize, who demanded that he die for him. Who declared his unfathomable love by asking him to perish. To forget all of his plans of proving his absoluteness, his omnipotence false.

God, who is now dead. Who does not answer when he screamed out his name.

The difference now being, that he cannot hear his pleas, when before he chose to ignore them.

God, who was the first Judas, the first betrayer.

Who caressed him, who ran his fingers through his hair and cast him away for the sake of creating a purpose for existence.

God, who whispered to him softly...

_- _

_"Even when I hate myself...even when I feel your pain when you cry...even though your heart is cold...it is worthwhile, it is all worthwhile..." _

_ -_

God, who denied love to those who he declared to love most, to his first children.

God, who loved creation, but refused to allow candor and affection to anyone besides him...but who happily allowed humanity to forget about him, to worship others...and DID NOT PUNISH THEM.

_- _

_"Hurry up and return to me Zechs, because if you're not around, OZ will allow worthless actions by worthless people..." _

_- _

It was a grey-cast memory.

A fainted and blurred emotion of what he once thought it had been possible to feel.

To have removed from the presence of the Creator...to be denied the one entity who he had freely loved, who is had not been mandatory to love... _Michael..._

His brother...angel of soldiers...second born and created from dream images taken from his own mind...God's gift of torture, of repentance and of suffering...

If anger, if jealousy would have allowed his a reprisal, if god had not humanity such freedom as that of dualistic beliefs of good and evil...if God's planned farced had not been succeeding, he would have found no reason to rise up from the depths of his appointed hell. He would have remained in the layers of darkness and despair and watched love from afar.

He would have given up everything once and for all, if God had not decided to play human and force Michael down with him.

And as it was...he hadn't known until it was too late for it to matter, that Treize was He Who Made Him...but Lucrezia...Noin, he knew about.

and now...

_- _

_"Treize, stop following me around or else i'll just want to fulfill your radical hopes...this friendship of the past, will only last until my mask breaks...and now, I cannot be your friend anymore. Farewell, Treize." _

_- _

...now...

his voice. the reassurance that i'd had. the only memory that hadn't dimmed---it was gone. the fatality of this disease, this wretched existence had taken his voice from me. should i too await for my last semblance of being to evaporate? should i lose what little soul i was allowed to keep? should death put to sleep the emotions that i have found to be lacking?  
Michael cannot speak.  
I am dying for the sound of his goodbye.

And it is now in time of his greatest worry, of his most unceasing agony, that his heaviest sin falls upon him. In the moment of being able to feel life, to feel the death that decays his heart and withers his expectations for happiness...he remembers the first thought that he had during his fall:

_ -_

_"How can it be that it pains me more to bear my own loneliness that to witness the suffering and the death of my love?" _

_ -_

God is dead.

Heaven is crumbling.

And the Devil sheds tears for his brother.

_- - -_

_- - -_

_- - -_

And this is where I remain stalled. Perhaps I shall be able to continue someday. If some kind of revelation for the pacing of the story hits me. Thank you all for taking the time to read and for your kind comments.


End file.
